Tonight I was in a place where I was disappointed with a friend in my life....my initial reaction was to be angry and let everything I was thinking and feeling be expressed no matter how harsh or hurtful it would be coming out of my mouth....But I refrained - see this friend is more than a friend this person is family to me. I do not want to hurt her, but I was hurt with how selfish she is....so I found myself in a pickle.
Our friendship is completely out of balance...it is not good for me and it is not good for her. Our friendship has become my listening to, worrying about, checking on, and rearranging my life at times to help her - and in return....I get a "Thank you", which of course is appreciated but not necessary or even expected - Isn't friendship a two way street?? Just as any real relationship in our lives we must nurture friendships, give and receive to one another. Friends value what is going on in the others life, making time for that other person no matter what it happening within their own life. I speak to this friend several times a week...yet she never knows what is happening in my life, for two reasons 1) she does not make time for and rarely asks what is happening in my life and 2) I don't want to share that information with her most times because I truly feel like she is not listening anyway. She is only calling to seek my advice or tell me about her life/her world. So in my initial anger, I thought what am I to do with this because I have had enough!?!?! And I am sure you will not be shocked to find out that I spent some time talking to God about it. And I was reminded of something my friend Stephanie said last night in small group. In discussion she made mention of the fact that when God is working in your life, sometimes He needs to move others out of your life (out of your way) so that you learn to depend on Him rather than those around you.
You may have gathered by now or you may have known me long enough to know that I am a doer - I get stuff done, I help those that need me, I am true and loyal to the people in my life that I love. People in my life count on me - I will make it OK or fix it if I can; by action, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or words of encouragement whatever is needed I will jump in or stand up to help them always. I have kind of kept that expectation of the friends in my life...my real friends anyway - that we equally give and receive, lifting one another up and help one another along this hard journey of life. It is just that this particular friendship, while dear to my heart, has been out of balance for a LONG time. I have had the exact feelings I had tonight several times over the past couple of years....and I guess it is time to stop - stop expecting something different.
I am very clearly being told that I need to LET IT BE- I need to take it to God, trust Him to handle it and stop trying to "help" so much. I think I may be in her way.....she needs to lean on Him, not me. And the more important lesson in my walk with the Lord, is that I am in my own way and that I need to quit trying to be Him.....Ouch!!!! He is God, and He will handle it all...He does not need my help and I needed to be reminded of that. My disappointment was a lesson learned - I will be a friend, I will love her, pray for her, I will find balance in our friendship and I will let God do the heavy lifting cause I am not equipped.
So - I am no longer angry, and I am no longer hurt. BUT I felt the tap on my shoulder and heard the whisper in my ear and I will get out of His way -