Me and Ryan Olivia

Me and Ryan Olivia

Monday, March 31, 2014


I learned in 2011 that my personality type is a Choleric. The basic desire of this personality type is to have control…I learned that I was born wired this way, that it is okay to be the me I was created to be. There are a lot of great things about this personality type - we are leaders, strong, loyal people but there are some traits when left unchecked can wreak havoc on your life and relationships. Being someone that desires control makes it hard to surrender at times and it is easy to fall off the right path by just taking charge without consulting the Lord.
I am in such a joyful, wonderful place in my life. Honestly, I have never been more happy, my life has never been so full, my future is so clear and bright…I am amazed sometimes that I am in this place, knowing where I was just 5 years ago. I am healthy, my child is healthy and happy, I can see the finish line where school is concerned, and I have found love with the person I am certain was made just for me. 

What’s the problem???  Well, friends I have neglected the most important area of my life – the choleric in me said “Thanks Father, this is awesome; I will take it from here.” My prayer life, my communication with my Lord has been neglected and the result is lack of peace. Old burdens that I overcame thru my relationship with Jesus welled up inside of me…old lies that I have turned away from started to show up in my mind…and because I have been “handling it” myself it got the better of me. I have struggled most of my life with an intense fear of abandonment. This fear held me hostage for many years – it was only thru God’s love that I overcame it, as I learned who He was, how He loved me, and recognized how He had not left me not even once…only when I fully understood and embraced His love was I able to overcome the fear that had crippled me.

So here I am… the middle of His plan for my life. It is bigger, more real and fuller than I ever imagined it would be…yet I find myself in a fight. See, I am ashamed to say it but I got “busy”, my daily prayers/communication with my God slowed, and it has made an impact that is not positive. I find myself vulnerable to attack – The enemy waits and watches, he knows exactly which buttons to push, he will try to manipulate and scratch at old wounds trying to keep you from Gods will. Rather than taking this attack to God, I tried to fight it myself…I mean I was “past” those old wounds, I was “stronger” now, I had “overcome” all of that. Only I didn’t do any of those things on my own, God carried me thru all of it; He healed my heart with His love and His acceptance.

The enemy cannot win; he has no power in my life unless I give it to him.  So I say NO – this all stops today! I will not be assaulted by lies. I will not be fearful. I will stand on the truth of God’s word & His promises to me. I ask the Lord for forgiveness in my short comings, for neglecting what is most important in this life. I acknowledge that I am weak without Him; I am frustrated with myself... knowing all that I do I still allowed myself to be vulnerable to attack. But I know my God is not surprised…He knows me and my heart…He made me the person I am. I recently have found myself saying "I don’t know what to do", that "I cannot control how I feel", I have been frustrated that things I thought were defeated seemed to be repeatedly showing up in my mind and life. But all of that stops today – I will not allow my joy to be taken, I will not entertain lies. I will refocus & prayerfully move in the direction of my God. The truth in all of this is that I DO know what to do, I know exactly what is missing, I know that thru Christ I have the power to overcome anything and that I am not in the fight alone - Jesus Christ goes before me... all I need to do is allow Him to- The answer I seek is the thing I have neglected, all will be as it should and I will always find my peace when I am in constant communication with my creator.

Prayer….so simple, so very important.