18 to 20

So I really should be starting my rough draft on a paper I have due Oct 4^th, but instead I feel like I need to put this down on paper. So….I’ll write my paper tomorrow night. :) 

I've had a stressful few weeks. After surviving 4 tests and a paper due all on the same day, pulling high A’s on all….I drove to Athens to start the ball rolling to the June 1^st deadline for my PTA program application. As I walked around Athens Tech looking for the advisement office, I was picturing myself there as a student in a few short months, it was pretty exciting to be honest. I sat down with a lady that appeared to be younger than I am and after about 10 minutes I asked an important question…”Can you tell me how many applications you guys receive for the PTA program each year? And how many students are accepted into the program?” See, I need to size up my competition :) Well her answer nearly knocked me off my seat – She smiled and said “I believe we receive 300+ applications each year and accept 18-20 students.”  The rest of our conversation is a bit of a blur…..it lasted approx. 5 more minutes and I was out the door in my car FREAKING OUT!!!!  Suddenly I was overcome with anxiety….18 to 20 out of 300!?!?!?!? That is less than 10%, what is my back up plan?, what will I do if I cannot get in? All my eggs are in this basket!?!?!? There are only 4 schools in the STATE of GA that offer this program!!!! And 2 are out of the question because I am a single parent that relies on family to help me with my child. OH NO!!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?!?!?!?!

I took a few deep breathes, felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit, “relax Samantha.”  Pretty quickly I found peace and assurance that I needed to stay the course – I am following God’s will, and He has the details worked out so I need not worry. My job in this is to stay the course, give it my all and continue to seek His will, I trust the Lord completely in this – I know I am not here by my choosing, but by His grace. If for some reason I do not end up in PTA school at Athens Tech, it is only because He has something else planned and I have complete faith that He will show me the way! So I made the decision that is exactly what I will do, I will not worry, I will do my best and I will leave the details to Him – But God knows my heart….and He knows that worry was hiding just around the corner ready to pounce on me and that I was vulnerable and would struggle to keep it at bay  – so just to be sure I was clear in this He confirms me again. Amazing….for real, He amazes me!

Today I walked into my first of many observation hours I have to complete before June 1^st. I said a prayer before entering that if this was not what He wanted me to do, that if I was on the wrong path that He would let me know LOUD and CLEAR now so I could change course. See I don’t just believe that He knows best and His best is better than I could ever imagined…..I KNOW that is fact. And let me assure you He was LOUD and CLEAR alright, I have never been more certain that this is exactly what I should do! Matter of fact as I was in observation today, I thought…to bad I don’t have 7+ years so I could become a Doctor of Physical Therapy – I know, I know careful what you wish for…but seriously, I am going to LOVE working in Physical Therapy!

Then as I came out of the hospital I receive an email from a dear friend of mine Stephanie. She is in my small group, and one of my best friends! She knows the struggles of my heart and encourages me more than she could ever know. She is another example of God placing people/things in your life intentionally and a reminder that He loves us and knows exactly what and who we need.  I struggle at times with being alone…..I long for love, partnership/companionship. I have a deep desire in my heart that for a long time I believed was there to torture me, that I was not worthy of what I desired. I know different now, I know the desires of my heart are given to me by my Lord, and I believe in His timing – but we all fall sometimes, and we all struggle and I have struggled over the past several months with being alone. I turn 38 years old next week, and I know I have wasted so much time so when I am worn down and tired from life….those same desires well up and consume me, which is not good! I call it a pity party, but it is truly the enemy trying to use the desires of my heart against me.

So anyway, today after being confirmed that I am on the right path – I received an email from Stephanie…and I think it was the cherry of top of God letting me know to stay the course. The email confirmed something I had not even considered as I questioned where I was and if I was in within His will. It really confirmed everything for me.  Thank you Stephanie for your friendship!! I love you girl!

So she might never email me again (of course I hope this is not the case, I will not post your emails regularly) - but I have to share a part of what she sent me below -

 I have a funny story to tell you.......

At the wedding Saturday I met a really nice guy that was one of the groomsmen.  He went to school here at UGA and worked here for a while.  He got his masters I think in Tenn. and still couldn't get a good job that he was satisfied with, so he went back to school at Gainesville Tech (I think that's where he said) and got some technical degree and was able to land a great job with that degree instead of the other 2 degrees from traditional colleges!  Anyway - he was working with the BP cleanup and is now in North Carolina.  He was so nice and easy to talk to and not bad to look at either.  Being the impulsive person that I am with my mouth, I asked him, "So, Matt - you gotta a gal?"  He smiled and said, "No."  Then Jim chimed in and said, "Oh Momma! Don't start your matchmaking again!"  I said, "I'm thinking he might be a good catch for SAMANTHA!"  I went to get my phone to take a pic of him and Jim, but I had left it back at the condo.  So I asked Allison if I could borrow her phone.  Took the picture - let Matt view it to make sure he approved of the pic I was sending to the "hot blonde" in ATL (smile).  Went to send it and realized I don't know your # by heart!!!!!!  I know pretty much ALL of my friends' #'s - but trying to keep up w/you "techies" I have resorted to this contact thing where you just push a button and it dials it for you.....not so convenient in situations like this!!  My plan was to send you a text that read: "Scopin' & Hopin' for ya - whaddya think?!"  There was another guy - this one even hotter than Matt.  He happened to be the Officient (spell?) for the wedding.  Tall, broad shoulders - very handsome.  I was never very close to him so I couldn't see if he had a ring or not.  At one point I had a chance to chat with the groom, Jeremy.  I asked him about, Shane and asked if he was an ordained minister.  Jeremy said yes he was.....Hhmmmm...this is sounding real good for Samantha, I'm thinking.  Well then Jeremy popped my bubble and said Shane is married and has a few daughters - bummer!  OK, back to Matt.  So I asked Jeremy about Matt.  I said, "So tell me about Matt.  He seems like a good guy.  I'm thinking about playing a little matchmaking for my friend."  Jeremy said, " Yes, he's a REALLY good guy.  He went on to tell me how smart Matt is and what a hard worker he is.  He hesitated and then said, "when he's not drinking...."  Oh Snap!!!  

So, Lady I gotta tell ya.  I immediately got this warm feeling that just came over my whole body and I have to tell ya all I could think was Wow.....God really is watching over you.  He really is protecting you.  Not that you would have definitely had a connection with Matt or that it was a sure thing that you two would've started talking or anything, but God sure worked quick to make sure there were NO distractions for you - period.  No text and no picture to be sent to even take a chance that it would happen.  Your Father has spoken!!!!  (That was said in a very deep and authoritative voice by the way)

Anyway, Jim and I got a good laugh from it all.  He put me in my place and said, "Leave the matchmaking up to God, Momma."

Thanking my heavenly Father for all me blessing in my life tonight. Thanking Him for loving me, guiding me, intentionally placing people in my life and keeping distractions from my path.