3rd time is a charm
We recently bought a new home computer....something we have not had in our home for some time. We mainly use our phones for personal business and company owned computers for work. Needless to say, that has meant my blogging was out of the question. This morning, I woke up thinking....I have a computer now, I need to start blogging again - after church I logged on and much to my surprise I was brought to a draft I was writing first in 2017, then updated in October 17, 2018. The Lord has been at work over the past two years....in mighty, mighty ways - and I want to share that with anyone that cares to listen, but before I start a new post this one has to be shared. Third times a charm I suppose...haha
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Below was originally drafted in August of 2017 and then updated October 17, 2018
ok.....so first I must tell you that a few weeks ago I decided that I wanted to get back to blogging from time to time - tonight I made the decision to actually log into my blog - much to my surprise, I had a draft saved from August of last year....August of 2017 was a time when things came to a head (so to speak) with regard to my child's biological father - much to my disappointment the draft I started over a year ago, in many ways, rings true today....so the words written below are a combination of my words from August 2017 and some are from today. The amazing thing is that what God was showing me then, He showed me today. He is available to those that seek him, He will not fail you and as we start to grow weary in the fight, we only have to call out to Him for He will make our paths straight
Do you ever feel you're on an emotional merry go round?? Do you ever feel weary from the same fight on a different day? Have you ever cried out to God begging for an answer or resolution? Have you prayed a prayer begging for it to be Gods will? Have you tried to stay the course, fight a good fight, honor God and do what is right but still find yourself in the same place with no change or possibly in a worse place? Do you have that "thorn in the flesh that torments you"?? Well, I have - all of the above. I am on the merry go round, fighting the same fight day after day, begging God for His will to be my will.....trying to do what I know is right and honoring to God but growing weary, tired and unsure how to pray or talk God about it. This thorn in my side is one that I have begged God to remove......but it has not been removed.
A desicion I made over 10 years ago, is one that I often find myself questioning. Because I made a desicion that I believed to be right despite it being unknown what the future would hold....almost immediately after making the decision it was terrifying to me what the future would hold. I made a desicion to be truthful, and allowed access to my life as well as my greatest blessing. Recently, I made another decision, based on the information given to me that real effort and change had been made, I wondered if maybe my prayers had finally been answered. I extended as much grace as I could muster, I offered the benefit of the doubt....even when things didn’t completely add up.
Very recently it has been confirmed that I have been lied to, both straight to my face and by omission of fact. Then as things began to show signs of unraveling at a rapid pace, it was recently confirmed "the thorn" is still very present.....the same lies and deceit - the same accusations, finger pointing.....that I have dealt with in some form or fashion over the past almost 10 years. And as I gear up for the same fight with a person that doesn't recognize nor acknowledge truth, I find myself asking questions - what if I had made a different choice. And I have to be honest....I am just tired, no SICK and tired of dealing with it. I am growing weary....and told God as much as I drive between seeing patients each day. I am angry....and I am sad. I often question myself wondering if “doing the right thing” regardless of my actual wants was really the right thing. My husband, my family, my friends say yes.....but in all honesty I sometimes wonder what if I’d been selfish? Would it have been better?? Easier?? Would there have been less heartache? Less stress? Less worry?
This morning as I completed my quiet time, reading my Bible - a verse jumped off the page. Proverbs 10:9 and it says “The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out”
I found comfort in this verse.....see I believe in truth and honesty. I despise lies.... even those “little white ones” people tell. I would like to believe that those closest to me would tell you that I embody integrity....that I do what is right even when it’s hard, even when no one is looking. And as I sat with my bible in my lap contemplating what this verse means I was reminded of how much God has provided for me - how secure I am both in my relationship with Him and how secure I am in my daily life. I am abundantly blessed, truly blessed beyond measure. I am living my life reaching for integrity everyday and teaching its importance to my children. And as I reflect I am reminded...God has answered my prayers.....I have prayed for protection, He has never failed me. I have prayed for wisdom, He has never failed me. I have prayed for truth to be revealed and clarity as things seemed unclear and confused and He has never failed me. Sure, I have prayed for certain things to happen as if I know best - but the truth really is that God is writing my story, He already knows the ending and His word says He will work all things together for my good. So I will continue to pray for strength, wisdom, courage and protection. I will continue to do what is right and honest, I will continue to seek Gods will knowing He has never failed me. I will keep my eyes on Him, because I realize that I am running the race marked out for me. I have been made fully equipped to finish
So what about you?? Are trying to do what is right but can’t see progress or resolution in sight?? Do you feel like your on a merry go around of crazy at the hands of someone that lacks integrity? I understand my friend....I truly understand and can only say - stay the course, continue to seek God, continue to be honest, do what is right even when its hard and when no one is looking....and hold on tight to the promises of your Heavenly Father...because He NEVER fails!
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice - Isaiah 41:27
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage againist you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. -Isiah 41:10-13
__________________________________________________________________________________
Below was originally drafted in August of 2017 and then updated October 17, 2018
ok.....so first I must tell you that a few weeks ago I decided that I wanted to get back to blogging from time to time - tonight I made the decision to actually log into my blog - much to my surprise, I had a draft saved from August of last year....August of 2017 was a time when things came to a head (so to speak) with regard to my child's biological father - much to my disappointment the draft I started over a year ago, in many ways, rings true today....so the words written below are a combination of my words from August 2017 and some are from today. The amazing thing is that what God was showing me then, He showed me today. He is available to those that seek him, He will not fail you and as we start to grow weary in the fight, we only have to call out to Him for He will make our paths straight
Do you ever feel you're on an emotional merry go round?? Do you ever feel weary from the same fight on a different day? Have you ever cried out to God begging for an answer or resolution? Have you prayed a prayer begging for it to be Gods will? Have you tried to stay the course, fight a good fight, honor God and do what is right but still find yourself in the same place with no change or possibly in a worse place? Do you have that "thorn in the flesh that torments you"?? Well, I have - all of the above. I am on the merry go round, fighting the same fight day after day, begging God for His will to be my will.....trying to do what I know is right and honoring to God but growing weary, tired and unsure how to pray or talk God about it. This thorn in my side is one that I have begged God to remove......but it has not been removed.
A desicion I made over 10 years ago, is one that I often find myself questioning. Because I made a desicion that I believed to be right despite it being unknown what the future would hold....almost immediately after making the decision it was terrifying to me what the future would hold. I made a desicion to be truthful, and allowed access to my life as well as my greatest blessing. Recently, I made another decision, based on the information given to me that real effort and change had been made, I wondered if maybe my prayers had finally been answered. I extended as much grace as I could muster, I offered the benefit of the doubt....even when things didn’t completely add up.
Very recently it has been confirmed that I have been lied to, both straight to my face and by omission of fact. Then as things began to show signs of unraveling at a rapid pace, it was recently confirmed "the thorn" is still very present.....the same lies and deceit - the same accusations, finger pointing.....that I have dealt with in some form or fashion over the past almost 10 years. And as I gear up for the same fight with a person that doesn't recognize nor acknowledge truth, I find myself asking questions - what if I had made a different choice. And I have to be honest....I am just tired, no SICK and tired of dealing with it. I am growing weary....and told God as much as I drive between seeing patients each day. I am angry....and I am sad. I often question myself wondering if “doing the right thing” regardless of my actual wants was really the right thing. My husband, my family, my friends say yes.....but in all honesty I sometimes wonder what if I’d been selfish? Would it have been better?? Easier?? Would there have been less heartache? Less stress? Less worry?
This morning as I completed my quiet time, reading my Bible - a verse jumped off the page. Proverbs 10:9 and it says “The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out”
I found comfort in this verse.....see I believe in truth and honesty. I despise lies.... even those “little white ones” people tell. I would like to believe that those closest to me would tell you that I embody integrity....that I do what is right even when it’s hard, even when no one is looking. And as I sat with my bible in my lap contemplating what this verse means I was reminded of how much God has provided for me - how secure I am both in my relationship with Him and how secure I am in my daily life. I am abundantly blessed, truly blessed beyond measure. I am living my life reaching for integrity everyday and teaching its importance to my children. And as I reflect I am reminded...God has answered my prayers.....I have prayed for protection, He has never failed me. I have prayed for wisdom, He has never failed me. I have prayed for truth to be revealed and clarity as things seemed unclear and confused and He has never failed me. Sure, I have prayed for certain things to happen as if I know best - but the truth really is that God is writing my story, He already knows the ending and His word says He will work all things together for my good. So I will continue to pray for strength, wisdom, courage and protection. I will continue to do what is right and honest, I will continue to seek Gods will knowing He has never failed me. I will keep my eyes on Him, because I realize that I am running the race marked out for me. I have been made fully equipped to finish
So what about you?? Are trying to do what is right but can’t see progress or resolution in sight?? Do you feel like your on a merry go around of crazy at the hands of someone that lacks integrity? I understand my friend....I truly understand and can only say - stay the course, continue to seek God, continue to be honest, do what is right even when its hard and when no one is looking....and hold on tight to the promises of your Heavenly Father...because He NEVER fails!
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice - Isaiah 41:27
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage againist you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. -Isiah 41:10-13
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